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Little
Heather [5:23 PM]: Hi.
BrowardHotSpots [5:23 PM]: Well hello
there honey. A/S/L/P? My pics in my profile.
Little
Heather [5:23 PM]: What are you talking
about weirdo? This is Heather, we’re supposed to do an interview at
5:30 remember?
BrowardHotSpots [5:24 PM]: Oh, right.
Well you’re early. I wasn’t expecting you so soon. Did you find the
place all right? lol
Little
Heather [5:24 PM]: Not to be rude,
but I only have a half an hour so can we
please get started?
BrowardHotSpots [5:24 PM]: Hold on a sec
let me find my questions.
Little
Heather [5:31 PM]: Helloooooo? What the
hell are you doing?
BrowardHotSpots [5:33 PM]: Hey I’m
here. Sorry about that.
Little Heather [5:33 PM]:
If this is a bad time…
BrowardHotSpots [5:34 PM]: No, now’s
perfect. I’m ready. Got my questions and my lotion and I’m ready to
begin.
Little Heather [5:34 PM]: Your
lotion?!? What the fuck are you talking about?
BrowardHotSpots [5:34 PM]: Never mind
that, lets start off by congratulating you for getting First Place in
last years Circuit Girls Pageant in the Bahamas. What’d u do with the
money?
Little Heather [5:34 PM]: I gave the
check to my mom and invested like 1,000.
BrowardHotSpots [5:34 PM]: We’re looking
for investors for the site.
Little Heather [5:34 PM]: Good luck.
BrowardHotSpots [5:34 PM]: Yea we need
it. What was your most memorable moment from last year’s pageant?
Little Heather [5:34 PM]: Of course
winning. I also remember me and the other girls were wagering on
whether you or Tommy was the pillow biter.
BrowardHotSpots [5:34 PM]: I don’t know
what you’re talking about?
Little Heather [5:34 PM]:
You know, like which one of you two is the giver or the taker.
BrowardHotSpots [5:34 PM]: II’m
completely lost here. What are you trying to say?
Little Heather [5:34 PM]: You know they
say that acceptance is the first step on the road to recovery.
BrowardHotSpots [5:34 PM]: But I’m not an
alcoholic.
Little Heather [5:34 PM]: Forget it, next
question.
BrowardHotSpots [5:34 PM]: This question
is from Tommy. Do white guys who shave their heads bald look like
freshly circumcised penises?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Huh?
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: Lets forget
that question.
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Alex, do you
shave your head cause you’re going bald?
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: Hey, I’ll ask
the questions here alright?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: So ask.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: What do you
think about the war in Iraq? Me and Tommy were thinking of enlisting.
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Oh you’d be a
big help over there.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: You really
think so?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: No.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: So where are
you from?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Fort Lauderdale
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: You were born
in Fort Lauderdale?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Yes.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: That’s
uncommon. Tell us, what does your average day consist of?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Mostly school
and lately I’ve been trying to exercise but I hate it.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: Come on,
seriously, as last year’s winner you must live a very glamorous
lifestyle.
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Glamorous how?
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: Like on
weekends do you jet over to LA or London and party with other
celebrities?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Oh yea,
absolutely but it’s every other weekend.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: Really?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: No asshole, I’m
just an everyday college girl but I’m lucky enough to do some cool
stuff on the side.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: What are you
going to school for?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Dental hygiene.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: What is that?
Do you like brush peoples teeth?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: No stupid, I
clean their teeth.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: I’m a little
confused but anyway, are you single?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: No.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: Describe your
perfect evening.
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: A good dinner,
fondue or hibachi, lots of laughs and sex with my boyfriend.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: Yea, me and my
ex would have dinner and then she would combine the laughs with the
sex.
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Uh ok. I also
like to go to football games.
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: Who’s your
favorite team?
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Dolphins
BrowardHotSpots [5:35 PM]: I’m a Bills
fan.
Little Heather [5:35 PM]: Buffalo is a
shithole.
BrowardHotSpots [5:36 PM]: I’ve heard
that about our website.
Little Heather [5:36 PM]: I can see why.
BrowardHotSpots [5:36 PM]: You know
this would be so much easier if we did this over the phone.
Little Heather [5:36 PM]: No way. I
already told you guys, I’m not giving you my number.
BrowardHotSpots [5:36 PM]: Do you
still have my business card there?
Little Heather [5:36 PM]: Yea it’s
what I got your screen name from.
BrowardHotSpots [5:36 PM]: Why don’t
we do this, you call me but dial *67 first so I don’t get your number?
Little Heather [5:36 PM]:
I would prefer not to.
BrowardHotSpots [5:36 PM]: Come on,
please? I have carpal tunnel syndrome.
Little Heather [5:36 PM]: Whatever.
Hold on.
(phone
rings for half a ring)
Alex:
Hello? Heather?
Heather:
Yes.
Alex:
Hi, how you doing?
Heather: The interview…
Alex:
Right, so what’s your sign?
Heather: Aries, I was born on April
Fools.
Alex:
What’s the worst joke played on you?
Heather: So far this interview.
Alex:
That’s pretty funny.
Heather: But I wasn’t kidding.
(whispering in
the background) Tommy::
Ask her what she’s wearing right now.
(whispering) Alex:
Shut up man or she’ll hang up.
Heather: What the hell is going on? Who
is that? Is that Tommy?
Alex: No, no, I ordered Chinese. I just
have to tip the delivery guy.
Tommy: Fuck you, Chinese. She just asked
about me didn’t she? Give me the phone, I wanna talk to her.
Alex:
Stop Asshole. I’m conducting a professional
interview here. Stop! Fuckin let go.
Tommy: Real fuckin professional asshoOOWW!
Fuckin bitch, you bit my hand.
Alex:
Sorry about that Heather. Damn Chinese Delivery
boy got cute with me.
Alex:
Hello? Heather?
(dial tone
followed by doooooo doooo doooooo. If you’d like to make a call please
hang up and try again.)
Alex:
Motherfucker, I hope you’re happy now. She hung up. We’ll never get
her on the phone again.
Tommy: Fuck you. You broke the skin on my
hand. Who knows what the fuck you might of given me.
(Instant
Message sound chimes in the background)
Little
Heather [5:56 PM]: If you want to finish
the interview it’ll have to be over the computer.
BrowardHotSpots [5:56 PM]: Yea, that’s
cool. Sorry about all that.
BrowardHotSpots [5:56 PM]: So uh, what’s
your biggest flaw?
Little Heather [5:56 PM]: Cursing.
BrowardHotSpots [5:56 PM]: Can you give
us some examples?
Little Heather [5:56 PM]: Sure, you two
guys are complete fuckin morons.
BrowardHotSpots [5:56 PM]: Heard that
before too. What was your most embarrassing moment?
Little Heather [5:56 PM]: You mean
besides this interview?
BrowardHotSpots [5:56 PM]: Uhm, yea.
Little Heather [5:57 PM]: One time I was
going out for sushi with my friends and I sneezed into my hands and it
was a dry sneeze, or so I thought, then I must of touched my hair. As
we were sitting at the table eating my friend says what’s that in your
hair? I pulled it out and initially thought it was a piece of rice.
Then it dawned on me that it might be a booger.
BrowardHotSpots [5:57 PM]: Did you eat
it?
Little Heather [5:57 PM]: Yea, I saved it
for desert. What kind of a stupid question is that?
BrowardHotSpots [5:58 PM]: Moving along,
do you like scary movies?
Little Heather [5:58 PM]: No, after
watching Scream I didn’t sleep for a week. Pretty sad considering it
wasn’t even a scary movie.
BrowardHotSpots [5:58 PM]: Yea I know
what you mean, I felt the same way after I saw Rain Man.
Little Heather [5:58 PM]: But Rain Man
wasn’t even close to being a scary movie.
BrowardHotSpots [5:58 PM]: Yea, I know.
Little Heather [5:58 PM]: But you just
said you didn’t sleep for a week after watching it.
BrowardHotSpots [5:58 PM]: I didn’t.
Little Heather [5:58 PM]: You need
therapy.
BrowardHotSpots [5:58 PM]: My insurance
wouldn’t cover it. Do you have any nicknames?
Little Heather [5:58 PM]:
No, but a lot of people refer to me as “Little
Heather”.
BrowardHotSpots [5:59 PM]: Cause of your
size?
Little Heather [5:59 PM]: Way to put
things together.
BrowardHotSpots [5:59 PM]: A lot of
people refer to me as “Little in the Pants Alex”, but I think I’d like
a new moniker, what do you think of Pudge?
Little Heather [5:59 PM]: I don’t.
BrowardHotSpots [5:59 PM]: If you could
change anything about yourself what would it be?
Little Heather [5:59 PM]: It would have
to be my feet.
BrowardHotSpots [5:59 PM]: What’s wrong
with them?
Little Heather [6:00 PM]: They’re wide,
people say I have Fred Flintstone feet.
BrowardHotSpots [6:00 PM]: Random people
off the street?
Little Heather [6:00 PM]: No dick, my
parents.
BrowardHotSpots [6:00 PM]: Kobe, innocent
or guilty?
Little Heather [6:00 PM]: Times up!
Little
Heather signed off at 6:00 PM
**Before
you hard-ons start emailing and IMing her, that was not her real
screen name. Sorry**
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