95south.com

Interview - Tommy

Alex: We're on the phone long distance with Tommy from BrowardHotSpots.com. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk with us. How you doing today?
Tommy: Can we get this over with please?

Alex: Right, so tell us how did you get involved with BrowardHotSpots.com?
Tommy: Asshole! You were there. Don't ask me stupid questions.

Alex: Yes, but for our readers not familiar with the story can you please tell them?
Tommy: Fuck that I have better shit I could be doing.

Alex: C'mon you jerk can't you just do this one thing for me?
Tommy: Fine! Hurry it the fuck up.

Alex: Ok, so how did you get started with BrowardHotSpots.com?
Tommy: Jesus. Alright, me and you were hanging out at Iguana Cantina and we decided to do this.

Alex: That's a pretty lame answer can you try to do better than that?
Tommy: Look, this shit is all on the site. If these fucks are so interested in the story of how this all started then they can go log onto the net and read all about it.

Alex: What is your problem?
Tommy: You, you're my problem. I'm on vacation and you're running up my cell bill asking me stupid questions. You know I'm fucking roaming.

Alex: I thought you were Italian.
Tommy: I'm hanging up.

Alex: Ok, Ok we're almost done here.
Tommy: Good.

Alex: Where are you from originally?
Tommy: Originally?

Alex: Yes!
Tommy: My dads penis.

Alex: C'mon.
Tommy: What?

Alex: If you're not gonna do this right then don't do it at all.
Tommy: Great, I didn't want to do this anyway.

Alex: What are your goals in life?
Tommy: To never have to do stupid fuckin interviews like this. Don't you have anyone else you can harass? What about Jay Gee over at Zu Bar? Go annoy him.

Alex: He's next month's interview.
Tommy: Lucky him.

Alex: What's your most embarrassing moment?
Tommy: When people associate me with you.

Alex: You're a fuckin dick.
Tommy: You're an idiot. I mean seriously, do you realize how stupid it is that you're interviewing me?

Alex: What's stupid about it? You're a local public figure. People want to know about you.
Tommy: Me? Why? Who the hell am I that they want to know about me? I don't ask about them.

(Just then Alex's mother picks up another phone in the house)

Alex's Mother: Alex I need to use the phone.
Alex: Ma, hang up I'm on the phone.
Tommy: Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.

Alex's Mother: Who's that?
Alex: Don't worry about it. Hang the phone up.
Tommy: Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh.

Alex's Mother: Who is that? Hello? Who are you?
Alex: Ma get off the damn phone.
Alex's Mother: Don't curse at me. This is my phone. I need to use it.

Alex: Mom give me 5 minutes, please.
Tommy: Wwwwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
Alex's Mother: Weirdo.

(Alexs Mother hangs up)

Alex: You're real mature.
Tommy: (Laughing hysterically)

Alex: Back to the interview. So are you currently single?
Tommy: Alex, you know the answer to every stupid question you've asked me. Why don't you just answer them yourself and I can go about my day and do shit that actually matters.

Alex:: I have a good question for ya. Do you still need a ride from the airport?
Tommy: Yea why?

Alex: Then I suggest you do this interview so that I'll have a clear mind and will remember to come get you.
Tommy: That's fucked up. You're a dick!

Alex: Now, where do you envision BrowardHotSpots.com in 5 years? Where would you like it to be then?
Tommy: (sighs heavily) Fine I'll play along. We're in talks now with several networks to possibly do a TV show.

Alex: Really? That's great! What's the format of the show going to be?
Tommy: We're not going to have one. One week we'll be in a limo with hot chicks and driving around talking to different people on the streets. The next week we'll be in a VIP at a hot club. The next week we'll be making people do stupid shit for bar tabs. It'll constantly be changing. If something works and people like it enough we'll do it again.

Alex: Wow that sounds great. I think that's a really good idea.
Tommy: No shit. You and me thought of it moron. Of course you think it's a good idea.

Alex: (clears throat) So I hear you'll be doing a lot of contests on the website now.
Tommy: Yea, at least once a month we'll try to give something away. Whether it be a free bar tab, a VIP party for you and your friends or a date with one of the hot bikini models from CircuitGirls.com.

Alex: That's another great idea.
Tommy: Again moron, you were there when we thought of it.

Alex: If someone's throwing a party or if a club has a new night they want promoted on your site, how would they go about getting that done?
Tommy: They'd email your stupid ass at BrowardHotSpots@aol.com and you could go through your song and dance routine about how our sites going to help make them millionaires.

Alex: Song and dance routine?
Tommy: And what's with the AOL screen name as a contact address? That's not very professional. All you do is sit in the South Florida chat room and ask every girl that comes in there for her picture. (Imitating Alexs voice) "Hi I'm Alex, A/S/L/P?" (For you non-AOLers that means how old are you? Are you a guy or a girl? Where do you live and do you have a picture?) You're just lame.

Alex: Would you like to give any shout outs?
Tommy: No!

Alex: Jesus man, you're a jerk.
Tommy: Ok you want me to talk?

Alex: Yes!
Tommy: Then answer this 2 part riddle for me.

Alex: Uhm, Ok.
Tommy: What has little balls and hangs down?

Alex: What?!?
Tommy: What has little balls and hangs down?

Alex: I don't know.
Tommy: A bat.

Alex: A bat? Ok.
Tommy: Now, what has big balls and hangs up?

Alex: I don't know.
Tommy: (click)