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Bruce Almighty- Jim Carey’s usual antics were in play, but he toned it down a bit. He was trying to appear more mature and less wacky. There was no nudity, but I did enjoy watching Jennifer Aniston play with her tits. Carey could have done so much more with his powers. He got a cool car and banged his wife real good, but that was it. I found myself thinking about all the cool and perverted shit I would have done. The $8 admission could have been better spent at the adult arcade. C+ (Michael)

Cabin Fever- What a ridiculously stupid movie. This was just horrible. Very unoriginal and extremely predictable. Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Please do yourself a favor and do not see this waste of 2 hours. Even though both of the female characters were hot I'd have to turn down a threesome with them if I had to rewatch this atrocity in order to do so. F (Alex)

Cannonball Run- I grew up watching shit like this and would laugh my ass off. The younger generation doesn't seem to get the humor though. Their loss, fuck em! This movies loaded with big name celebrities. Good amount of tits and ass in this flick. B (Alex)

Clash of the Titans- The special effects on this film were way before their time. Great movie from beginning to end. Highly recommended. The Princess had great tits. A (Alex)

Color of Night- First time I saw this movie was almost ten years ago. I just recently watched it again. I liked it then, I love it now. You can tell it's an old movie cause Bruce Willis almost has a full head of hair. A good story line and a very surprise ending. I want to fuck the shit out of the girl who played Rose. She is sexy as hell. If you're reading this Jane March (that's her real name) email me, I must have you. B- (Alex)

Daredevil- Not as good as I had hoped but still worth seeing. A lot of scenes were directly from the comic book (for you comic geeks it was the Frank Miller run). Some of Daredevils character traits were way off from his comic book personality. If you're not familiar with the book though you'll have no idea what I'm talking about. The chick playing Electra has a great ass. C+. (Alex)

Final Destination 2- "Today may be your day to die" The opening quote from Final Destination 2.. I immediately settled into my recliner. Five minutes later.. the single most incredible chain of highway accidents you will ever see on film. Death everywhere. A simple movie about Death and it's characteristics. Death that lives and breathes can be seen in this film in forms of the worst sort imaginable. It puts a name, face and attitude on death. Not to give anything away to spoil the fun but I'll sum it up like this: The chicks are hot and the death is cold.  B+ (Dan)

Freddy vs Jason- I was really expecting a lot out of this movie, and was sort of let down. The opening scene is great! Fine naked chick with big jugs running around and then falls, of course, before being gutted. Anyway everyone forgot about Freddy and the people that actually remember him are all sent to a psycho asylum. Freddy somehow gets into Jason's mind and sends him to Elm Street to kill for him and make everyone believe that Freddy did it. But Jason being the stupid fuck he is doesn't follow instructions to well and starts a splatter fest, which I quite enjoyed personally, but Freddy didn't like that shit at all. I really enjoyed their fights scenes together except for the fucking shitty ending. There is gore galore so if you like that stuff you will like the movie. Only part that I really didn't like was the ending, it pretty much sucked. But Freddy is pretty damn funny in this movie, he hasn't lost a step. C+ (Matt)

Equilibrium- Christian Bale and Taye Diggs star as cops in a thrilling look at a future where the only crime is being human. In an attempt to end wars and keep the peace mankind has outlawed the things that trigger emotion. To uphold the law a special breed of police is assigned to eliminate or arrest all the law breakers. When a top cop misses his emotion blocking drug he begins to realize that things aren't as they seem........This movie is a must fuckin see. I think its a hell of alot better than Minority Report and it is up there with Matrix. It lacks the hotties but the action and story make up for that. A (Luis)

FearDotCom- Had potential. Started out good. Ended limper than my cock after watching a 48 hour Rosie O'Donnell marathon followed up by a Golden Girls Gone Wild Spring Break hosted by Snoop Dogg himself. There were a few hot chicks in this movie but none worth the rental fee. D+ (Alex)

Fraility- Great movie. Original plot with an awesome ending. Highly recommended. No hot chicks in this movie. A- (Alex)

The Girl Next Door-  This movie sucked! Very unoriginal. It felt like I was watching a poor mans American Pie. They should change the main kids name in the movie to Captain Save-a-Hoe. I would bang the main girl if the opportunity were to present itself. As a matter of fact I think they should arrange that for my having to sit through this terrible excuse of a movie. D- (Intern Marc)

Grande illusion, La (1937)- The groundwork for The Great Escape. The grand illusion was just that. It was such a grand illusion that I missed it almost completely. I'm sorry I watched it. After seeing it the damn thing took away my good feelings for the great escape. It was almost an exact remake. I'm sick. I dont like french and I thank GOD that I am not one. French, the faggiest ass language going. The more I watch movies from the 30's and early 40's you can see the similarity to music in which they both are the foundation for the future. All of these early movies considered classics in their own time have been remade into what we believe are classics. Even the actors looks the same. D (Dan)

A Guy Thing-  Don't waste your time. As much as I like Jason Lee I regret sitting through this very predictable movie. Twenty minutes into it I knew exactly how it was going to end. D+ (Alex)

House of Sand and Fog-  Good Movie. Pretty fucked up, but in a good way. Jennifer Connelly is easily one of the hottest bitches in show biz. You get some good teaser shots of her tits and ass in this. Ben Kingsley should get some kind of award for this performance. B+ (Alex)

Hulk- Yawn. Oh excuse me, I just finished watching this terrible movie and its a miracle I'm still awake. Thank God I don't turn green and smash things when I get bored or I would of never made it through this very slow paced love story. It dragged for over 2 hours. The best way I can describe the CGI animated Hulk is an angry Shrek. The origin was pretty close to the original but what they did with David Banner (Hulks dad) was ridiculous. The Director used multiple camera angles to try and add to the movie but all it did was make it annoying. Jennifer Connelly's pretty hot as Betty, I'd do her. D (Alex)

Jackass: The Movie- This was hilarious. Definitely worth renting. I laughed out loud constantly. There was some sick shit (literally) but not too much. There were no hot chicks though, that would of made this movie perfect. B (Alex)

Jeepers Creepers 2- As if Jeepers Creepers 1 wasn't bad enough, I didn't think it could get any worse I was wrong, way wrong. This movie was ridiculous, first of all what the fuck is the damn monster in this thing? Most of the movie takes place around a broken down bus with everyone too damn scared to get off the bus. The son of a bitch blows kisses, winks, and gives tongue action towards its victims and I think the damn thing is gay on top of it all cause it did all that stuff only to the guys.
And now this guy is a ninja or something, he was throwing homemade Chinese stars made out of teeth and toenails at people, what the fuck is that. Horrible! Horrible! Horrible! There were some hot chicks in the film but not enough to save this pathetic excuse for a movie. F- only cause F is the lowest you can give a movie (Matt)

Kangaroo Jack- I'd rather be maced and hit by Alex's stun gun that even see the 30 second trailer for this movie ever again.  Disgustingly horribly gross. F- (Dan)

Kill Bill: Volume One- Really Violent and fast paced, with great acting and a very good story. The fight scenes were very well done with a ridiculous amount of blood thrown in to exaggerate things (half the theater laughs when someone loses an appendage). This movie is loaded with hot chicks and I would gladly Kill Bill, Slap Tommy and Vote Republican for a chance to provide the bologna in a flesh sandwich with all the female leads. B+ (Alex)

Quentin Tarantino's homage to kung-fu flicks, "Kill Bill" is the culmination of his viewing over 300 such films. I will admit I'm not a fanatic expert on the subject of samurai movies, but I do know that "Kill Bill, Volume 1" is the hippest thing I've seen on screen since "Pulp Fiction. What surprised me most about "Kill Bill," though, was Thurman. Her performance is just stunning, a really glorious piece of physical, witty exertion. The soundtrack is simply amazing, reminding me somewhat of Oliver Stone's genius, and if you can make your way through "Volume 1" without vomiting, you will be eagerly anticipating the second half of this plateau shattering film. B (Opey)

Knock Around Guys- It's worth watching. The casting was done well with each actor portraying the character that best suits them. You won't jump for joy when the movie's over but you won't be angry either. C+ (Alex)

Krush Groove- For those of you that love old skool hip hop, Krush Groove is a must see. Its the official/unofficial story of Def Jam Records..it stars Run D Mc (RIP Jam Master J), Beastie Boys, LL Cool J, Fat Boys, Blair Underwood, and others. there weren't any fuckin hotties in it but it was still worth watching. Its Rent worthy but me I had to fuckin buy it before it was gone for good..C+ (Luis)

Kumonosu jo (1957)-FUCKING Phenomenal! Flawless! Kurosawa's version of Macbeth is beyond anything Hollywood has ever put forward on Shakespeare. (I still haven't seen Olivier's Hamlet though) Kurosawa is way over my head, I figure I could watch this film every day for a year adding up the symbolism and metaphors used in the picture but when I do see true art unintended for the naked eye I like it and want more. I feel plain stupid saying the movie was "well directed" or cinematography was "great". This and all his films are beyond all that. From now on when I write about a Kurosawa I'm only telling you that you have to see it and most likely, see it over and over. I'm serious when I say that these are all must see. It troubles me that my friends aren't asking to watch these movies, why? "It doesn't  interest me" doesn't cut. Is it because everyone else "has a life" and I am just sitting here? Subtitles is a whole new world that makes movie watching even better. You zone right in and dont miss a thing. This is true, I'm either weird and stupid for getting into the Jap movies or smarter than all of you. A (Dan)

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen- This was a good movie. Although most of the characters were familiar to me they were portrayed in a new and original way. Good action scenes, a decent plot and very good acting combine to make this movie better than the book. At first I would of nailed the lady in the movie but after seeing what her character was about I had to down-grade her to a dry-hump. B- (Alex) 

Lost in Translation-  I like Bill Murray but this movie started out really slow and never really picked up the pace. Even though the main girl is hot this movie is a waste of time. Rent Stripes instead. D+ (Alex)

Maltese Falcon, The (1941)- Lorre & Bogart, are there any more with these too? "But she slapped me!!!!" Yogi says "If you get slapped you sit there and take it like a man... and like it!!" CLASSIC!! I have to immediately move this into my Top 30 after the first viewing. A (Dan)

Matrix Reloaded- Special effects were good. The fight scenes were OK. The car chase scene was good but too long. Unlike the first movie this one dragged through some scenes. I keep expecting Neo to yell out "Excellent!" and start playing the air guitar. I would like to nail the short haired chick that wears the black leather.
B- (Alex) 

Modern Times (1936)- I'm glad this guy is dead. If he wasn't I'd want to be his best friend. All I ever knew of him was from his name and still pictures I may have seen. Charlie Chaplin was funny. For the first time EVER I watched the first 20 minutes of this movie 3 times before I got through the whole movie, combined it is or close to the funniest shit I have ever seen. It's must see material. I have never given a comedy a 10 and never will, so a 9 is just as good. This movie is a classic, Chaplin has at least 3 others in the IMDB TOP 250 and 87 others that he wrote, directed, starred in, produced and even SCORED!! This guy was a genius. It's no wonder about a year after he died some idiot dug up his corpse.. just to have it. A (Dan)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding- I loved this movie.The good thing about this movie is that you don't have to be Greek to enjoy it. There were no hot chicks in this movie. B+ (Alex)

This movie was good even though I'm not Greek. Contrary to what Alex thinks I want to bang the semi-hot Greek broad in the buttocks because I know she wants me to. This movie left me with the feeling that she would also like to be wearing her glasses when you bang her. She is able to judge a guy not by race like her father does, but by whether or not you can bang her hard enough to knock the glasses off her face. B+ (Dan)

Old School- The buzz over this movie was tremendous. WHY? All you idiots. Did you see OLD SCHOOL MAN? YEAH MAN. IDIOTS. That kind of stuff turns the red light on. I know myself and three other people at work could write and act much funnier than these idiots. IDIOTS. Old school is a poor portrayal of death. D (Dan)

Once Upon a Time in Mexico- Warning see El Mariachi and Desperado first.....Director Robert Rodriguez returns with the mythic guitar-slinging hero, El Mariachi, in the final installment of the Mariachi/Desperado trilogy. The saga continues as El Mariachi makes his way across a rugged landscape on the blood trail of Barrillo, a cartel kingpin with one last score to settle who is planning a coup d’etat against the president of Mexico. Enlisted by Sands, a corrupt CIA agent, El Mariachi demands retribution, and the adventure begins against a backdrop of revolution, greed, and revenge. It had alot of action. Depp and Banderas worked well ! It also had some hotties being Salma Hayek and Eva Mendes. B (Luis)

One Hour Photo- I like Robin Williams as a serious actor. The man has talent. I enjoyed this movie but feel that they should of made Williams character a little creepier. Main actress had a nice rack. B- (Alex)

Papillon- Great movie based on a true story about a prisoners attempts to escape a French prison. Strong performances by Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman make the two and a half hours it takes to watch this fly by. This movie gives us yet another reason to hate the French. One tribal chick has decent tits. B (Alex)

Pitch Black- I enjoyed this movie. Vin Diesel was a good cast for the Riddick character. Looking forward to the sequel. B- (Alex)

Queen of the Damned- This movie was hot! Aaliyah has to be one of the sexiest actresses of all time. The use of constant background music made this different than most Vampire movies. The whole movie was entertaining and the ending was great! 
B+ (Wendy) 

Radio-  I sat down with high expectations for Radio. What I got was a "RUDY" wanna be that was UN-inspiring from start to finish. True Story? I would say more like a "based on a true story". I hope.

The movie starts with the hard nosed coach of a small town football team (Ed Harris) finding the boys on his football team tying up the town's retarded kid. The coach suddenly turns into a softy and decides "RADIO" needs to be around every waking minute at the expense of his team, the school's basketball team & the school classrooms. For such a caring guy coach surely showed a sickening display of neglect, especially towards his daughter.

Back to the UNrealisic plot. No small town football coach in America wipes mustard off of a retards lip with a napkin in a crowded diner. No. Not now in the 2000's and especially not in the early 70's. They should have run the credits right them. MERCY!! Another particularly annoying scene has radio screaming in plays from the sideline during the most important game of the year. The opposing team hears the plays that ultimately causes a turnover and the teams loss. But guess who gets the game ball for showing good team support? RADIO!! Are you FUCKING kidding me?

Deborah Winger also sucked acting as Harris's wife, failing miserably portraying the typical wife clapping, fake smiling and waving at her husband from the stands. Deborah should have stayed retired. She was boring and brass.

TIME OUT! Who directed this crap? From wiping the lip to spending Christmas Eve at the tards house dancing with the tards mother? What is this? Whoever has been whispering at Oscar nods for Cuba Gooding Jr needs to stop embarrassing themselves. Good performance? If you consider the shitty script, yes. Oscar performance, not even close if close was six miles away. You need some sort of dialogue. Not How's radio? wheres radio? its not radio's fault? Radio was arrested? More complaints about Radio? AY-YA! Town meetings over the disruptive force of radio on the sidelines? Radio. Lets go to court about Radio. Radio Radio Radio. Radio's crying. I had a talk with Radio. Radio didn't understand me but there's going to be some changes with Radio. GOD BLESS RADIO. 

As not only a critic but a person that truly connects with fine characters in film, I am sorry to say that I am unsympathetic to the Radio persona. I don't get Radio's message if one was intended. I don't even think Radio was a retard! What the hell was/is he? I think you'll even hear from Retarded Associations across the globe that this wasn't a retard but a Hollywood concoction. RADIO is one the years 10 worst. F- (Dan)

Ran (1985)- Cinematic masterpiece, visually and intellectually inspiring. Ran, pronounced "RON" is Shakespeare without the Love & Bullshit. This film makes Romeo and Juliet look like Elmo's World. Kurosawa's Ran is far superior to any film that you have ever seen in your life in every category. I'll leave it at that. I personally felt the cast could have been given more parables that were used occasionally over the course of the movie, they were inspiring but spaced. This movie wasn't about that though, it was a grand artistic impression by the master filmmaker of our times. I just wanted to hear more. Ran is a tragedy of the worst kind. Once again it has made me look at my inner self. I am searching for more and finding it in these films.

I am beginning to see and feel a correlation between the Kurosawa films and my own life. I've sensed early that there was some kind of message to be found and it is finally coming through to me in his tragic films. The message to me seems clear cut. It's either Kill or be Killed. In imagery. Clouds, rain, sun, fog. Black and white. Color. All obvious messages that speak louder than words. Where do I start? Am I to kill or be killed? have I already killed? Am I in transition? Am I to lie in the outer boundary of human existence? Free your mind and you ask for power... The insignia of my door has been scribbled out provoking the confrontation between good and evil in my inner self. " A Dream... I had  a Dream" I was alone. A+ (Dan)

The Recruit- This movie was marketed as being full of plot twists, however it never seemed to get off the ground. It was predictable and unoriginal. Al Pacino plays the same role he has played in his last 15 movies, narcissistic and condescending. The hot new comer Colin Farrel overacts in a few parts and after an hour of his whining you just want to slap the shit out of him! Wait until it comes out on dvd to see it. C+ (Wendy)

Requiem for a Dream- Not much of a movie as a documentary on the devil himself. 4 Human souls, torn, scared, alone, each with their own devil. Horrific. Nail biting. Ellen Burstyn puts in a tear jerking performance that will tear you to shreds from beginning to end. Where was this movie? I don't know what happened in 2000 but I'm sure she had to be nominated. One of the great female performances, stunning. "I Remember how he looked at me in that red dress"..

Now, you three losers.. look at yourself, fast forward 40 years...You're alone...you're old... Nobody is going to look at you in any other way than pity or impatience.. you could live to 100, live the perfect life, be nice to everybody.. do aaaaall the right things but now...nobody loves you, you're alone in a worthless existence... Now go back 10-20 years.. one wrong turn.. hanging with the wrong crowd would have been all it took to reel you into a life that was worthless.. Heroin. One way trip to hell is all it is, nothing less than that but quite possibly worse... This movie is as powerful a film you will ever see in your life. A (Dan)

Alex: Dan you need psychiatric help!

Dan: Yes Alex, I do need psychiatric help and so will the rest of you after watching that movie. Jennifer Connelly is the most beautiful woman in show business. No one is close. You get her hairy beav but no tits. Its all about her tits too. The only thing that kept Requiem from a 10 was the shutout on no tits. Just remember ANAL. Listen, dont rent it, buy it. Make your kids and grandkids and nieces and whoever, watch this movie. Never mind going to fucking school, this is school motherfucker! You will RUN from drugs boy. Jennifer was in a movie several years back where the tits came out. I have it on Mr. Skin and I'm telling you that you have never seen a better set. Never.

The Ring- Started off good then it lost me. Good idea but it wasn't as original as everyone's saying. I rented basically the same movie three weeks before this came out on video, it was called FearDotCom. And like that movie I felt let down by the ending. It left way too many questions unanswered. I hear the original Japanese version that this was based on "Ringu" was really good. Rent that instead. But there were a few chicks, including the main actress, that I'd nail. C- (Alex)

The Royal Tennenbaums- This movie sucked ass. Fuckin terrible. That's two hours of my life that I'll never have back.Save yourself the money and stare into your empty fridge for two hours. You'll have the same amount of satisfaction when you're done. No hot chicks in this poor excuse of a movie. D- (Alex)

Smultronstället (1957)-You don't want to see the top of the silk-lined box trust me. Although we all have different opinions, habits, lifestyles and so on.. we are all heading in the same direction. DEATH. Before you were born, where were you the 10-15,000 years before that? The total existance of time. GONE you say? We are eternal until the moment that you become death. Gone you say again? That's right, but what's the difference? As fear of death streghthens it's hold, the greed for happiness comes out and at that moment you must realize that you can have NO REGRETS in life. This is extremely important and I want all my friends to know so that you may find your own true happiness. In these, my words, you may think ought to have me committed, are no more than a summary.

Considered one of the finest motion pictures ever made in Sweden, this is another fine death movie that uses endgame as the heartbeat of the storyline. It follows a 78 year old professor, sometimes in a dream like state, sometimes not, where he looks back on his life and times trying to figure out what type of person he really was. Hitchcockian feeling at times, a solid film, the last swedish film I ever view with subtitles. The accent makes you want to do a swanny right through the tube. As I look at it more and more death is getting spookier. WILD STRAWBERRIES
Have a pleasant day! B (Dan)

Sopranos Season 3- If you've watched one episode of this show and aren't hooked then you should be whacked. I recommend renting season 1,2 and 3 and watching them all in order. Adrianna has a great ass. A- (Alex)

Spider-man- This movie was pretty good. They strayed from the original comic book origin but not too much. Actions scenes were good and the costumes were decent. Except for that ridiculous helmet the Green Goblin wore. Mary Jane had great tits. B (Alex)

Stealing Harvard- I was disappointed. I expected a movie starring Tom Green and Jason Lee to be much funnier. I can't blame them for a terrible script that didn't allow them to showcase their natural charm and humor. But I sure as fuck can blame them for accepting the roles. There were at least 2 sluts in this movie that were do-able. C- (Alex)

Stuck on You-  Hilarious. Only the Farley Brothers can make a movie about conjoined twins and make it this funny. I wonder how they separated Matt Damon from his real life conjoined twin Ben Affleck for this movie. Matt Damons probably pissed cause Afflecks been so far up J-Lo's huge untalented ass that he hasn't hung out with him in weeks. Anyway, go see this movie, you won't be disappointed. B (Alex)

Super Size Me-  I was really looking forward to seeing this movie. But this movie/documentary was boring as fuck. It dragged, but the message it sent was a good one. I loved the idea of proving to all these ignorant fucks that claim they didn't know McDonalds food was bad for them. Pay close attention to when they show the graph of the states with the fattest people, the dumb fucks misspelled "Miami". The sad thing is after this movie was over Marc (our intern) wanted to go get pizza. Fat Fuck! B- (Alex)

Terminator 3- This movie was alright. Nothing to write home about. I'd love to bang the hell out of the female Terminator, especially if she can make her ass bigger the same way she did with her tits. Then I'd have her kick the shit out of Tommy, just for my personal amusement. C+ (Alex)

28 days Later- Great Movie. I'm a pussy when it comes to scary movies so I almost didn't watch this. I'm glad I did. This movie was about a lot more than just a bunch of zombies chasing people. It was about civilization and the basic human need for survival. I'd bang the black girl and if the survival of our species depended on it I'm sure Tommy would help out and bang the young girl. He's a real people person.......fuckin pervert. A- (Alex)

Proof that there is still hope for Britain's cinema. This pulse pounding thriller is a mid budgeted hybrid of "Resident Evil" and "The Stand," a man made bio-warfare virus known only as "Rage" having infected the entire world, turning people into mindless beings who live only to seek out and pass on their disease to the uninfected population, and to feed on human flesh while they're at it. Once the virus is unleashed, it takes (Yep, you guessed it) 28 days to wipe out man. My favorite scene features an infected black marine who had been chained at the neck and kept as a "Pet," if you will; definitely not a scene you would see in American cinema. If you're a fan of sci-fi with a pinch of gore, trust that this movie will not let you down. B+ (Opey)

Underworld- aka the Vamp vs Werewolf Romeo and Juliet style flick with little romance. Set in the secret nocturnal and supernatural world of vampires and werewolves, two groups that have been at war for centuries, this is the story of a romance between a female vampire warrior, Selene, who's famous for her strength and werewolf-hunting prowess, and a peace-loving human, Michael, who wants to end the war. Kick ass movie with some good special effects and a hot babe in Kate Beckinsale. C+ (Luis)

I enjoyed this movie. It was a new twist on the Vampire/Werewolf story. Speaking of twist, I'd like to twist the actress that played Selene into a pretzel and pound away on her every full moon. Which reminds me, do Vampires trust each other enough to engage in oral sex? Think about it! B (Alex)

X-Men 2- Great movie. Better than the first. I loved seeing Nightcrawler and Colossus's powers come to life. All the comic book heroines that I read about as a kid and would of sounded like a total weirdo for wanting to nail are now live action and I can proudly admit, I want to screw them all. There are a bunch of hot sluts in this movie; the red head playing Jean Grey, Robecca Romijn-Stamos, Halle Berry, the very hot oriental chick Kelly Hu and Rogue to name a few. A- (Alex)