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Driving Tirade

We all drive on a daily basis. And everyday we come across people on the road that should be put to sleep like a rabid animal.

I think that each city should pass a law and designate at least one driver who’s allowed to legally shoot anyone on the road who drives like an asshole.

They would have to follow the “People to Shoot” guidelines of course. They couldn’t just shoot anyone.

The following is a partial list of acceptable offenses that would warrant being shot.

1. People who come to a complete stop before turning. If it’s at a red light or a stop sign of course that’s not an offense. But if the asshole has a green light and the speed limit is 45mph and the fuckin idiot comes to a complete stop before making the right turn…..BAM!

2. People who cut into traffic right in front of you or pass you and then go slow. Its even worse when they cut you off and there’s not a single car behind you for the next mile.

3. People who ride your ass when there’s a lane on either side of you with nobody in them. Instead of passing you they feel it’s your responsibility to get out of their way, even if you’re driving the maximum speed limit.

4. People who block intersections and prevent you from crossing through when the light changes. Why the fuck do people drive out into an intersection if they see that the cars just on the other side of it aren’t moving. This isn’t only a breach of common sense, it’s inconsiderate and should warrant not only the driver being shot but any passengers in the vehicle as well.

5. When 2 or 3 cars (depending on the amount of lanes) are in front of you, one in each lane and they’re all going the same speed (usually 10 miles under the limit) and make it impossible for you to pass.

6. When you switch lanes into a faster moving lane and it slows down and the lane you just left starts moving faster, so you switch back into that lane and it stops moving and the one you just left starts moving again, shoot yourself.

7. Rubber-neckers. “ooohhhhh what happened? Oh no there’s an accident! Is there a dead body? Oh my, look at the cars, they’re totaled” BANG!

8. When the car in front of you slams on their brakes as soon as the light in front of them turns yellow, even though there was plenty of time for them, you and 15 semi trucks to get through the light before it turned red.

9. This next one isn’t about drivers but it happens while you’re driving so it counts. The homeless fucks that panhandle at intersections. I’m on my way to my job, to make money, so I wont have to be homeless and rely on handouts while panhandling, so why the fuck should I work at a job that I hate for 8 hours a day just to give my money to you? This is deemed a punishable offense and would most likely be doing the offender a favor when he’s reprimanded (shot).

10. Drunk drivers. Get a designated driver or take a cab home if you drink too much. Sure your car could get a ticket or even towed but the alternative is much worse. DUI’s cost over 10 grand for the first offense or you could kill an innocent person. On a brighter note you could just kill yourself and that’s one less drunk asshole on the road, but that’s just wishful thinking.

11. When in traffic and no cars are moving for as far as the eye can see, yet the asshole directly behind you feels the need to honk his horn constantly. Punishable Offense!

12. People who drive with their blinkers on for miles.

13. When you’re trying to turn into traffic and there’s a car in front of you and the gutless fucker driving it wont turn as long as there’s a vehicle coming at him within the next 2 miles.

14. People who drive with their brights on are definite offenders.

15. Tailgaters.

Keep in mind that this is only a portion of the offenses that would be punishable. The rest would be listed somewhere obscure that no one would know to look. Ignorance of these laws would be no excuse. Being that this would be a government law it could be amended at any time without any notice.

Disclaimer- This is a joke. Do not go out and shoot anyone who is doing any of the things listed above. Do not even honk at them or give them the finger. Let them go about their day and keep in mind that no matter what happens that eventually they’ll all die. But then again so will you. Have a nice day!