Embassy Suites Tirade

It was starting to look like I'd never have to Tirade anyone again. This weekend I went to Chicago and wouldn’t you know it, I had some prick practically beg me to Tirade him.

Well what kind of fucking gentleman would I be if I didn’t accommodate him?

Let me start at the beginning. I was in Chicago this weekend and on Saturday night me and my girlfriend went Downtown. We bounced around to a few places and at the end of the night, in order to return to the lot that our car was parked at, we had to pass in front of the Embassy Suites hotel.

As we’re walking past the hotel, a large amount of water (at least we hope that it was water) was dumped down on my girlfriend and me from one of the rooms.

We looked up and couldn’t see which window it came from so we rounded the corner to proceed to our car. We then decided to go back and inform the manager of the hotel that one of their guests was assaulting pedestrians.

As we turned back onto the street to go into Embassy Suites we witnessed the tail end of two other pedestrians having water (again we hope that it was only water) dumped on them, in the exact spot where we had only seconds earlier been accosted ourselves.

That entire side of the street is Embassy Suites so there was no other possibility than for it to have been someone from inside the hotel. We went into the lobby with the two other victims and complained to the manager. She sent security out to investigate.

He saw the huge amount of water that was on the sidewalk. There was no hose or faucet in the area and the awning above the exact location where we had the water dumped on us was soaked. There was one window on that row of rooms that was open. The security guard spent almost an hour investigating this.

The guests in that room, of course, denied any involvement. Who the fuck would admit to doing it? So anyway after we stood there on the street for almost an hour (it was 5am now) the manager on duty and the security guard came over to us and explained that although they were very sorry for what had happened, that unfortunately they couldn’t prove who did it.

I told them I understood their situation and that I appreciated all of their efforts. I asked if I could fill out an incident report and they informed me that a report would be written but that I would not be able to obtain a copy.

They gave me the name and phone number to the hotels General Manager and suggested that I call him on Monday morning to see what he could do for us.

Now as much as I'd love to tell you all his full name and contact information, for legal reasons, I can't.

But I can tell you this, his name is the same as a certain part of the male anatomy, specifically the male genitalia. I'm sure you can figure it out.

For this Tirade we'll call him Cock. We could call him Penis and it would be just as appropriate but I think we’ll stick with Cock.

Why am I referring to the General Manager of the Embassy Suites in Downtown Chicago as Cock? Glad you asked.

I called Cock today and he immediately knew who I was. He said he was aware of the incident and he was sorry for what had happened. I told him how nice his staff was and that I appreciated all of their help and kindness.

I then informed him that my girlfriend had thrown her sweater away because she had no clue what that liquid was that was dropped on her. For sanitary reasons she didn't even want to touch it again, we never did confirm what was dumped on us.

I asked Cock if he would cover the costs of replacing the sweater since it was thrown away due to the direct actions of one of his guests that was on Embassy Suites property.

Well this is when Cock lived up to his name. He said he's in no way responsible for his guests and that it’s not his problem. And not in a polite tone either.

He went as far as to say that there's no proof it even happened in front of his hotel. He asked how could he know that we're not making up the whole thing. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

This wasn't just a regular employee at the Embassy Suites, this was the General Manager and here he was talking to me like an uneducated, untrained buffoon.

He asked if I would have been hurt on the street would I of asked the city to pay for it. What the fuck that has to do with this incident I don't know.

Using his line of reasoning I then asked him if one of his guests had a rifle and was picking off pedestrians would he then also say he's not responsible for his guests.

He said that just because my girlfriend had some water dumped on her that we want a bunch of free stuff from them now. I never asked the asshole for any "free stuff". I just wanted to be reimbursed for the cost of the sweater.

He was treating us like one of the 50,000 homeless people that beg for change downtown. Did he forget that we were just minding our own business, walking down the street when one of his customers attacked us?

Below is a re-enactment of the events that transpired. These are not the actual photos of the incident, these are an artists rendition.

I'm sorry if the graphic nature of these pictures have offended or upset you but I didn't want to censor them or leave out anything in order for you to understand our pain.

I explained to Cock that I’ll likely never be in Chicago again and that even if he was to offer us free rooms in an attempt to pacify us that they’d do us no good.

I simply wanted the cost of the sweater reimbursed. He then started to get loud with me and saying that this was not his problem and again he was accusing me of trying to scam him.

I asked him if this was the kind of customer service that he gives people. He said we have nothing more to talk about. I started to ask him something and he again said we have nothing more to talk about and hung up on me.

I then called Cock back and informed him of what a huge mistake he had just made. That I wrote articles in several magazines as well as a few websites, with one alone averaging over 200,000 hits a day, and that I will be writing about his very rude and dismissal behavior towards me.

He said that now I was trying to blackmail him. Is this guy that big of an idiot? Blackmail? Does he not know the definition of the word? I didn't want anything from him at this point. I wouldn't of let him reimburse me for the sweater now even if he begged me.

I was just calling to let him know that I was going to be telling the world how he treated me and what an asshole he was. The time for playing nice was over.

Does he really fucking think that this is a scam we do where we spend hundreds of dollars to travel to different cities around the country to try and scam sweaters out of hotels? Give me a fucking break.

I tried to explain to that asshole that I live in Florida, we wear sweaters about 5 days out of the year. That was a brand new sweater bought specifically for that Chicago trip.

It was worn once (that night) for about 5 hours before one of his sophomoric guests dumped some unknown substance on it. It could very well have been water, but then again it could also have been urine, semen or anthrax for all we fucking know.

How the fuck did someone like Cock get to be a General Manager anyway? He must have a cousin or an in-law or something with a lot of pull somewhere.

He has no idea how to properly talk to people. He spoke to me with a total and complete lack of respect.

You know if he had simply made the gesture to attempt to rectify this situation I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this and you wouldn’t be sitting there reading about what a cunt Cock was to me.

But instead of saying “Hey I’m sorry, what can I do to make this up to you?” he started in with excuses and bullshit reasons why he wasn’t responsible for what had happened.  Not to mention him flat out accusing me of lying about the whole thing in an attempt to scam him.

Where does he get the balls big enough to make such accusations when this happened to two other people who also complained to the management. And what about the employees at his own hotel that saw the water (or whatever) all over the sidewalk in front of his hotel.

He even brought that up to me. "Well how come the other two people didn't call me today to complain?"

How the hell should I know dickfuck? Or why should I care for that matter. We had an issue and I was calling you about it.

Had the other two people called you would you of treated me any differently? I doubt it, I have a feeling that you're just a douche bag by nature, and would of made up a different excuse to be the dick that you are.

The other two people soaked were actually Chicago natives. They went as far as to apologize to us about the shitty experience we were having in Chicago at the hands of a guest at Embassy Suites.

They asked us to please not let the actions of a few jerks affect our view of their entire city. Don't forget these two were also victims and here they were apologizing to us. That's class, something Cock knows nothing about.

Here's the bottom line. On Saturday night someone paid to stay at Embassy Suites, we walked in front of their window and that person dumped something on us and ruined a new sweater. The hotel itself didn’t do it, fine. But a guest of the hotels did.

What Cock was telling me is that the hotel can’t control their guests or ensure the safety of the public underneath the hotel in the streets? That pedestrians are basically on their own and walk in front of the Embassy Suites at their own risk? Their guests can do whatever they want to the public. That’s bullshit!

If you can't ensure the safety of the people in the streets below then weld your fucking windows shut, cause next time it could be an iron that lands on someone's head and not a liquid.

Even if he would of offered us complementary rooms at his hotel to make up for our inconvenience, we would of declined, but we would of appreciated it and we would have been satisfied with him at least making an effort. Instead all he did was insult and offend me to no end.

I’m forwarding this link to every single person that I can find who's affiliated with Embassy Suites and Sunstone Hotels, the parent company that Cock works for.

I hope one of Cocks superiors sees this and if it causes Cock even a fraction of the frustration that his rudeness caused me then it was well worth me taking the time to write about what a Dick he is.
 

Disclaimer- Everything stated above is Alex's opinion based on the actual experiences as they happened to him directly.

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