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Travelodge Tirade

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I haven't had much to bitch about for the last few months. I guess I have a reputation in Broward for being a whiny little baby that airs all his problems on his website. I can't imagine how I could of possibly gotten that rep.

If you've read our Question & Answer section then you already know how much I hate Miami and avoid going there at all costs. I ended up going down there last weekend for the first time in months and guess what? Some Asshole was more than willing to give me material to vent about.

It all started when I scored some tickets to the UM/FSU game. What a great game it was! The only way it could of been better was if the kick would of went wide right.

So anyway I booked a room at the Travelodge in Miami on 11th street, mainly because they're walking distance from the Orange Bowl. My plan was to go out Friday night, get liquored up, go to the hotel with the young lady I'm currently seeing, forget about any semblance of dignity I have while I beg for sex, go to sleep with blue-balls, then walk to the game in the morning.

When I made the reservations over the phone the girl told me that since I was checking in at 4am that it would be a Saturday check-in. This was great!

I figured after the game we could walk back to the hotel, peel off and burn our sweat drenched clothes, shower, again beg in vain for sex, then after a blue-balled nap, drive back up to Fort Lauderdale after all the traffic was gone. Sounds like a perfect plan right? Wrong!

When I got to the hotel they told me it was a Friday check-in and that the only one with the authority to switch it was the manager and he didn't get to work until 8am.

So I stayed up and waited for him to get there. He finally strolls in a half hour late. I go over and tell him the situation and the son of a bitch tells me that check-in is at 7am and since I checked-in at 4am if I wanted to stay that id have to pay for another day at full price.

I tried to explain to this failed abortion that I wouldn't of drove down until 7am if the girl on the phone hadn't told me it would be ok. He didn't want to hear it.

So instead of wasting my breath on this cock-smoker I go and call Travelodge customer service and explain to them the situation. They were cool as shit and called the hotel and spoke to some lady that said they'd cancel my Friday reservation and list me as a Saturday check-in.

Everything's perfect again right? Wrong!

As we're leaving to walk over to the game I decide to go by the desk and confirm the switch with the poster boy for birth control. He says there was no switch and that check out was at 11am. It was 10:50 at the time. So I go and call customer service again and tell them that this dickless fuck said he wouldn't do the switch.

Customer service calls the hotel again and tells this piece of shit that someone had already OKed the switch, and he says no, that he wasn't going to do it.

He was being the biggest dick possible for no apparent reason. I even offered to pay for a half a day if I could checkout-out at 8pm. He refused to work with me at all.

So I had to go back up to my room, pack my bags, and sit in fuckin bumper to bumper traffic all the way to the stadium. I only had to drive 4 blocks and it literally took 30 minutes.

Then I had to hunt for a parking spot. Everyone wanted 40-50 bucks. That's more than the fuckin tickets to the game cost. Fuckin broke ass immigrants that live in the area don't have jobs and depend on the hurricane home games between welfare checks for their rent and crack money.

Luckily a girl I know lives right by the stadium and let me park at her house (thank you Christina). Then we get to the gate and it took another fuckin 30 minutes to get inside.

Once inside it was a 15 minute shoulder to shoulder walk to our seats. I must of had 50 different peoples sweat rubbed up against me. Ugh! Forget about catching kickoff, we were lucky we saw any of the first quarter.

And I'd really like to know who the fuckin college genius is that schedules games in Miami at noon. Apparently this asshole has never come out of his air-conditioned skybox and had to sit in the 150 degree heat for 4 hours. By the middle of the third quarter I was burnt, dehydrated and had a heat stroke coming on.

So we leave the furnace we called our seats and go get some beers. We decided to get 2 a piece so that we wouldn't have to walk down again. Four beers, $21!! What the fuck is that? Its cheaper to get a bottle of Grey Goose at a club downtown then it is to drink at a fuckin college football game.

Oh and to top it all off, I didn't get our tickets until 2 days before the game and got stuck sitting on the FSU side. The fans were alright, they didn't fuck with us for being in Canes gear. But it didn't help that every time they did their gay chant the girl I was with would chant fuckkkkkk fssssuuuuuuuuuu . I thought she was gonna get me killed.

It was great cause all the Noles fans were talking shit when they were leading by 13 points with 10 minutes left in the game. They got real quiet as their hopes sailed wide left as time expired.

So back to the original topic of my tirade. I've emailed the CEO and President of Travelodge about the shitty treatment I got by the cum-swallowing manager, who I happen to wish Lupus on. I'm also leaving messages for the owner of that particular hotel. Customer service has a case pending so I'm waiting to hear back from them.

I want a written apology from that cunt, assuming he can write, and a shit load of free rooms to make up for this. Ill let you guys know as things develop.

Updated 10/17/02

This is the e-mail I received back from Travelodge customer service-

Thank you for contacting the Travelodge Customer Service department concerning your stay at the Miami, FL hotel. We sincerely apologize that the property did not meet your expectations of Travelodge's high standard of
guest service. This property is independently owned and operated under a Travelodge franchise, and its management is responsible for meeting Travelodge standards. We appreciate the time you took to let us know where this property needs to improve.

The Travelodge chain is committed to assuring that all of its properties provide good service and quality accommodations. Your comments have made us aware of an instance when one of our properties did not meet a valued customer's expectations. The information that you provided will be shared with the property's management, to prevent this type of event from happening in the future.

Please accept our apologies for what you experienced, and for any inconvenience this may have caused you. We sincerely appreciate your choice of Travelodge for your lodging needs, and we hope to welcome you at
Travelodge again in the future.

This Scumbag they call a Manager gives me the worst customer service possible and all I get is a generic email that can be reduced to three words and say the same thing- "Sorry, come again!"

Fuck that! I called my credit card company and disputed the charge. I refuse to pay full rate for a room I was only allowed to occupy for seven hours. If these fucks argue against me and I lose the dispute I'll take this shit to Help Me Howard. Everyone knows I have nothing better to do. I can dedicate months of my time to this.

I emailed this Tirade directly to the asshole manager himself. So this next part is directed to him-

If you're reading this now Fuck-face here's some free advice- Learn some people skills. Yours suck.

You didn't give a fuck about my situation and for this I again wish Lupus on you. There's an old saying that you obviously never heard or are just too ignorant to understand, it goes like this- "The Customer is Always Right".

Being a manager means doing more than flipping through papers and watching everyone else do the work. It means making sure all your guests are happy. Going the extra step to ensure they had a good stay and will come again in the future. All you did was piss me off and guarantee yourself months of humiliation.

You see, I know you're a Jerk-off and even if you won't admit it, you know you're a Jerk-off, but by the time I'm through with you thousands of people will know you're a jerk-off. This site gets an average of 30,000 hits a day.

and every person reading this will know what a shitty experience I had at the Travelodge in Miami on 11th Street (that's the hotel you're a manager at in case you don't know the address asshole) If you would of even made the slightest gesture to work something out I would of been happy. But you were deadset on being a little cunt.

Well I hope you're happy now. I informed your staff about this article and they're all laughing their asses off at what a fool you look like right now. You stupid bastard. Fuck you very much!

Updated 11/9/02

Well I heard back from my credit card company and they refused my dispute. In their opinion it was a legitimate transaction. To that I say this...FUCK YOU VISA! So now I've moved onto the next step, I emailed Help Me Howard. Hopefully they'll deem my story newsworthy.

Updated 11/15/02

They say that the squeaky wheel gets the most oil. I must squeak like a ferret with his dick caught in a mouse trap.

I spoke with the hotel owners secretary today. I was issued a full refund. They also apologized to me for the shitty treatment I received from the dickless wonder. She was actually very nice.

This just goes to show you that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword. Let that be a lesson to you fuckface! Maybe next time you'll think twice before you're a cunt to a paying customer.

I guess that wraps up this Tirade. But don't worry there are a lot of assholes out there so I'm sure it won't be long before someone else pisses me off.